What I Want to Change

It has been a while since I blogged. Some things I journal. Other things I share with my friends and teammates here in Mexico. Many things I hold onto in my heart, not knowing what to do with them. I trust Jesus will finish the good work He started in me here, but there's many days when I wonder how He's going to do it and when.

a view of my small neighborhood, just a tiny fragment of this city

I want to share a moment that I've lived recently.

Back in December (my first Christmas away from my family) I was downtown with some friends on the 24th. We were giving shoes and food to many people living on the streets. My heart really hurt not just seeing all the homeless people, but seeing the business-like way and mindset of many people serving.
To a small boy: "Here try these shoes on. What, they don't fit? I'm sorry it's all we have. Move along. Oh wait, smile for a picture so we can show our sponsors. Ok, next!"
I understand we had to be efficient with the time & resources we had to give, but I couldn't help but think that Jesus would not have done it that way.
 I stopped to pick up a sweet five year old darling with messy long hair. She was shy and quiet but held onto me tightly as I held her in my arms. A volunteer approached me and asked, "Why are you holding her? She could have lice." That made me angry.
Then we left. We had to go back to my friend's house to prepare Christmas Eve dinner and celebrate with her family. I was quiet on the car ride home and couldn't stop thinking about all those kids with dirty, depressed looking faces. Wearing short sleeves and no shoes in December, who knows how few of them have parents or not. I understand there are poor homeless people and orphans all over the world. I believe there will always be people in these situations. Our world is fallen and won't be remade until Jesus comes back.

But what is God asking us to do in the meantime? What are we doing with our time, our hearts, our resources and our affections? 

Although I know some of them are valid, my stomach sinks when I hear myself and my excuses of why I can't do much now.
"I have to finish my Spanish studies so I can be more effective in my ministry here in the long run."
"I have my hands full with leading the youth at my church, Bible studies, small groups, teaching English classes everyday."
"I'm just a single 24 year old American girl. What can I really do?"

I know if Jesus was here in the flesh, living with me, I would stop everything and just do what He did. Stop and listen to more people. Give them my time. Give them my food and my clothes. Stop thinking about myself so much and love people more.

I need His grace and Him to lead me everyday in what I should do. As I'm going about my busy activities of taking Spanish classes, teaching English, doing ministry and everything else, I want to be obedient to His voice and stop when He tells me to. Here we see poor and handicapped kids and people everyday begging for money. They're in the metros, at traffic lights, on the sidewalks, and all over the place. Now that's just part of the story. Then there's people just barely surviving, hopeless and trapped in drugs, alcohol, religion, abusive relationships, mindless sex, and pretty much any type of sin & pain you can think of.

Look around you. I know even in the pretty suburbs of Birmingham, Alabama there is pain all around. It might not be as obvious as it is here in Mexico City, but I know people desperately need hope and love.

Although I'm living the "missionary" life, I fail everyday. I can only pray that God allows my heart to grow and my hands to take action in loving these people. I pray He grows and moves you as well.

*my hope: taking the youth and teaching them how to love on & pray for people downtown and in our neighborhood. Pray for wisdom & guidance for me and Memo (my Mexican co-leader) in how to do this.

Thank you all for showing me and the Lord so much love in how you pray for me and support me. As I've told you before, I really could not be here without you guys. Thank and God bless you all!

Hillsong United comes to Mexico City!

On October 17, 2013 we got to see Hillsong live and worship with them and thousands of other Mexicans in Spanish and English. It was powerful joining the leader JD in prayer for our city. Here is part of the message he shared on grace.

Let Heaven Come!

On Friday I got chills thinking about how real God is and how He so perfectly answers our prayers. I remembered all of the prayers from all of you at home- everyone that has prayed and continues to pray for God’s kingdom to come to Mexico City. You guys, He is answering your prayers and it is amazing! Two weeks ago we started an English Bible study for our adult students at Oasis that want to practice their English and learn about God.  Every Wednesday and Friday we meet & listen to God as He shows us different passages to discuss. Each time leading the study, my teammate Philippa (22 yr old from New Zealand) and I have felt tired & inadequate, but the Lord is so powerful! He has spoken through us each time with exactly what our friends need to hear. I’m so amazed at how our God loves communicating with us. It doesn't matter who He speaks through. It feels like He is always on the edge of His seat with excitement and anticipation of what He wants to tell us next. My mom told me the other day, “It’s like God is dying for you to wake up in the morning, so that He can bless you and love on you all day. He’s sitting on the edge of His throne and cannot wait for you to see more of Him each day.” I think the Holy Spirit also loves loving us on while we sleep. He seems to be pouring out lots of dreams to people here in the night. How He loves Mexico and these people!

                So on Friday night, my friend brought 3 of her friends that have never entered a Christian church before to our Bible study (Two men who are pilots and a woman who are all from wealthier parts of the city). Talking to them before we started, I got chills at how divine our conversation was. The questions they were asking me were completely the Lord giving me a chance to share. They could not understand why I left my family & my country to teach English in Mexico. The pilot straight up asked me, “But what do you have to offer to these people besides teaching them English?” Ha Oh Jesus how alive you are!!! I got to tell them about the hope, the love and the relationship that I have with God that I can offer them. That they can watch God transform their lives how He did mine. He removed me from a life of sin & seeking romantic love that could never satisfy me, giving me instead his everlasting love that satisfies everything inside of me. They stood there with very confused looks. They’re actually trying to move to Miami to raise their kids in the States. They couldn't believe I want to one day have a family here in Mexico.

                After this conversation, before we started the study, the woman Lupita told me, “Look Allie, I really don’t know why I’m here. I don’t believe in God. I don’t think He exists and if he does, I don’t think He has anything to give me. I’m not sure if I should be here.” I wish I had taken her aside and talked more, but I know God will continue working without me obviously. I told her not to worry that we aren’t here to judge her but that she’s welcome to listen and ask us any questions. She sat down with the group and for an hour the Holy Spirit poured out so much truth as He led our conversations to be filled with the gospel. It was amazing! Nobody else new what Lupita told me (that she didn't believe in God).  The Spirit spoke with so much clarity as He led us to talk about how Jesus saved us, how He seeks us, and how our lives change after we know him as our Lord.

                After we prayed at the end, the three of them left thanking us. I have no idea if I’ll see them again, but I know with all my heart that God is jealous for them and fighting for them to know Him. Oh how beautiful is His love, that He sees us all and chases us down! Please join me in praying for these three, especially for Lupita. I saw her take in what God spoke to her heart. Pray that she continues seeking answers and that God puts people in her path to share more of His truth & love with her.

 Thank you my dear friends and family! God is using your resources and prayers to let His kingdom come here! He has also been giving me opportunities to connect and talk more with the youth here, despite my weakness with Spanish. Prayer is powerful! I love you all and pray that God gives you all you need and equips your hearts to seek Him more and more. Let Heaven come! 

Glory to God for my new home!

Bienvenida a mi casa nueva! 

                              My lovely little kitchen! Gotta buy a stove, cabinets, and frige. 

My living area after you walk through the door.

My little balcony overlooking the street. 

The front balcony. Yes, that is a fake sunflower! I cannot wait to fill the porch up with real ones :) 

Coming in from the porch, this is my living room where I plan on hosting lots of youth, having worship & game nights. 

The rooftop, overlooking my front door which is on the second level. 

Thank you Lord for this huge space to dance! And for my future puppy to play :) 

Praise Jesus, I can see the mountains!!! 

*In 2012, the Lord spoke to me in a powerful dream in which I was running through a jungle of huge YELLOW flowers. He has reminded me of that dream often and continues speaking to me about it today. I was overwhelmed when I walked into this apartment and found the walls to be covered in bright YELLOW paint. Oh how He loves us! For me, YELLOW symbolizes: 

*God's presence, goodness, honor, gifts, marriage & family*

How sweet His promises are! He is faithful to the end! 

My lovely kiwi Mom (Shona) who is helping me shop for all I need in my new home. I am so blessed. I cannot wait to have visitors here soon! Thank you everyone who has been praying! God answered our prayers and poured out His love on me through this gift. 

RUN and not grow weary

     Thanks to God and Him using YOU guys- all your prayers & support, I have been in Mexico City for 5 days now. Overjoyed to be reunited with my awesome kiwi (New Zealander) teammates and to hug my friends here, I found myself crying often the first few days. The Lord is so compassionate and full of so much love! I got to hug some of my dearest friends and I was greeted by new friends at Oasis. On Tuesday we opened the community center for fall classes and jumped right into the busyness of teaching classes. I am teaching a few English classes for adults and kids along with Computer for kids. I will be focusing on Spanish (I’m very rusty) in order to live to the fullest here and best love these people.  I will be taking classes a few days a week, along with looking for a place to live, finding a car, getting to know the youth & adults at church, teaching classes, working reception & hopefully leading a small group in a couple months. This can be a bit overwhelming and I have to continually ask God for more energy and strength, but it is so sweet. It makes me run to Him, even when I’m resisting and trying to do it all on my own.  I fail obviously and He catches me, strengthening my heart. All of my life is for Him. I am here for Him- neither for myself nor for the adventure. When you are loved by Jesus, you cannot help but love Him back. 

(Left: My sweet new friend Dani and I) 

Though I do really love these people and this city, there are things that make it hard and try to wear me down. I am glad those things exist in order to remind me that God is the one that brought me here. He is my sustenance and my joy!  No matter what emotions I may feel, I trust Him and follow Him. I was so blessed getting to pray & worship together with our church Oasis on Tuesday night.  There are so many lost & hurting hearts in this city to pray for. My teammates and new friends lifted me up to the Father- that especially in these first few months, that God would give me joy and protect me from the enemy’s attacks. I am so grateful for their prayers, as I can already feel Satan trying to discourage me. They prayed God would give me a home & family here, as I am far from my family. That God would provide all I need and lead me in the path He has for me here.  It is still very surreal that this is my home now. I am very excited and a bit afraid of all the big changes in my new life. I am so glad Jesus is with me, lifting my burden, and speaking so much love into my heart.

As my dear friends and family, I love you guys very much. I could not do this without you all and I thank God for each of your lives. Would you continue lifting me & Oasis up to Daddy when you can?

Pray for:

-God to work in my heart daily that I move closer to Him & love Him more.

-opportunities & grace with Spanish in order to share Jesus with these people. Freedom for their souls!

-a deep friendship or two. I miss you friends. Ask Dad to bless me with a close girlfriend that I can go deep & share my heart with.

-Energy, peace, joy, perseverance, boldness, selflessness, love & unity on our team

-my dear lost friends

-a safe place to live that has a rooftop (one of the only places I can be alone with God)

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Contending for Purity

I just listened to this sermon yesterday and was so moved by God and His heart for purifying His bride (us) before Jesus returns. It's about an hour so if you're driving, have time while you're doing chores around the house, or just want to stop and rest for a bit, you will not regret listening to this.

Benjamin Nolot produced the documentary "Nefarious: Merchant of Souls" on human sex trafficking in 2011. He is now working on his next film that exposes the cause behind this problem- the sexual revolution and the pornified, lustful world we live in.

This sermon is very enlightening on the End Times and what will lead to Jesus' return according to the book of Revelation.

"Men are not creatures dominated by sexuality! Men are the protectors, the liberators, and the servants of God's order!" 

"Women are not sexual objects to be conquered! Women are the crowning glory and beauty of God's creation!" 

"We don't seem like a Bride without stain & blemish, but Jesus WILL take a prostituted Bride and make us clean & spotless." 

"Contending for Purity in a Pornified World: The Battle for Our Sexuality" by Benjamin Nolot

stretched shoulder

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

While I was in Mexico last fall, I injured my left shoulder/neck muscle. I got back to the states in December and started physical therapy after receiving a medical exam & MRI. For a few months I did therapy several times a week, took meds daily & iced the muscle frequently, hoping it would heal. I just wanted to be able to pick up kids, go climbing, and fully extend both arms in worship again.

After none of the therapy nor medicine seemed to work, God got my attention. I began remembering, hearing of, and witnessing several people with physical sicknesses/injuries/diseases that God completely healed physically.

I remembered the young 13 year old boy on my Guatemala trip in 2010 who prayed for God to heal an elderly man's leg, who was born without a kneecap. As the boy was praying in Jesus' name, he felt a kneecap growing under the Guatemalan's pants! The man got up, after being in a wheelchair his entire life, and began to run and dance and laugh! I have witnessed God heal people weekly in church and at Bible studies of hurt backs/necks, eye diseases, headaches, knee problems, you name it. I have heard of a mission team in South Africa that has only been on the trip for a few weeks and they have officially lost count of all the healings, miracles, and wonders that God has done!

So after getting my attention, I began to believe he could completely heal my shoulder/neck muscle that had been hurting me since last November. It seems like at every church service, bible study, and just hangout with friends, I was getting prayer & hoping God would completely heal me. Every time people prayed for me, I felt the Holy Spirit touch me and I knew he was doing something. I would feel some of the pain leave me, but then it would come back the next day or so.

 I began doubting and listening to the enemy's lie that maybe it was because my faith wasn't strong enough. Then I thought of the apostle Paul when he says, "A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times, I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

I concluded that Jesus' power resting upon me, is far better than a healed shoulder. I can give up climbing, picking up kids, and worshiping with both arms raised. But I can't give up Jesus.

So then... I was lying in my bed watching a part of The Passion on Sunday night. The part where Jesus is crucified is so hard to watch, but it still doesn't show what he really went through. The Bible says he was naked, not just in his undies like the movie shows. Imagine being beaten by whips of broken glass, bone & clay while you're naked; nails going into your hands & feet; being separated from God; carrying all the sin of the whole world; and going through hell. I forget too often how bad it really was. As I watched the Roman soldiers nail his hands to the cross, God showed me why his ways are so much higher than mine. As they were preparing to nail his second hand in, they had to stretch his arm to line it up with the hole on the wood. In the movie, they stretch his arm so violently that it comes out of socket and Jesus yells again in agonizing pain.

I felt my heart sink. Who was I, being so silly complaining about the pain in my shoulder, when my pain isn't even a fragment of what Jesus suffered for me? Tears wouldn't stop as God loved on me, whispering, Baby, this is why I didn't heal your shoulder before. I wanted to share more of my heart with you. I wanted you to see this and come closer to me. 

The next night I was at a Bible study and the speaker asked if anyone needed prayer for their right shoulder. Mine was the left, so I kept quiet, content with my pain after what God showed me. Then my friend said, "It's the LEFT!" Haha so they began praying. I felt warmth and the Holy Spirit. I was a bit afraid to raise my arm and test it out. I didn't want to be disappointed again. But as I raised it, I didn't feel one bit of pain! I rotated it around, and the usual popping of all my bones was gone!!!! I worshiped the rest of the night, for the first time since November, with both arms fully raised without pain! And now I get to go climbing on Thursday!

I love my Healer.